The Real Foot in Mouth Disease- How To Make Enemies the Quickest and Stupidest Way Possible

Cartoon from Linda Moran

I just came back from the office after staying up late there till 9pm. This is our final week of classes. I’ve just started marking my Mt. Everest load of papers and the grades are due next Tuesday (by the way, our chair’s insane for imposing such a tight deadline. Doesn’t she know it takes at least 2-3 weeks for teachers to mark all students’ papers after last day of class? Totally deranged and mental!).

If I could outsource this task of marking papers, I totally would.

One of our colleagues from China (but spent the later part of his years in Canada and the US) recently insulted one half of the population of foreign teachers in our campus by sending out an email to all the staff. The topic was: To switch or not to switch on the air-conditioning. That’s the question. He was totally in favor of switching it off and replied, “Doing away with air-conditioning allows the bodies to sweat. In doing so it enables people, especially some foreign teachers, to lose weight.”

When I read this in the office, you could hear a pin drop at the stunned silence that followed after everyone read their mail.

Hello dude! What are you insinuating?

Most importantly, what the hell were you thinking?

Different people have different body structures according to their body needs especially if they come from another country where the climate would require a totally different physique. Not everyone can be stick thin as the Chinese.

After a stampede of furious people stormed into his office, he sent a mass-email apology. This was also after he received a couple of private hate mails that all but screamed: you ass!, you jerk!, insensitive bastard, and all other hateful derogatory ouch!-garnering superlatives you can think of.

When asked why he sent that kind of reply to everyone on campus, he said that he “wasn’t thinking”. Oh cool, let’s write an offensive email telling big dumb foreigners to lose their flab. Send to everyone in the entire college? Oops, did I just click the SEND button?

To warn people of his stupid behavior my good friend aptly suggested that a sign be put on him: OPEN MOUTH. INSERT FOOT.

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